As a parent, one of the worst things that can happen is finding out that your teenager smokes. You feel that you are supposed to be protecting them from harm, and somehow they started smoking. You may immediately feel anger, or you may feel guilt. You also may feel hopeless and not know what to do.

You do not need to worry however, this is a common problem. Most people start smoking in their teen years. Some are just undergoing a phase and quit, and some grow to be addicted for decades to come. Studies show that most teenagers believe that they can quit whenever they want to, and they will quit within five years. Luckily, most of these teenagers do end up quitting, however some end up addicted.

As a parent who knows that their child smokes, your responsibility is to help them overcome their cigarette addiction (or phase if they are not addicted yet). The first thing you will NOT want to do is yell at or demoralize them. Teenagers already feel as if their parents don’t understand them and cannot relate, so you do not want to push them away. It is much better if you actually talk to them, try to understand why they started in the first place.

Remind your teen the consequences of smoking but do not simply just tell them “smoking is bad, it causes lung cancer, etc.” One of the scariest parts about teen smoking is that teens are AWARE of the hazards of smoking but they still do it. Teenagers live in the “now” not the future. The best way to remind them the consequences is not to focus too much on the future (but still mention the serious health effects). Try to speak in terms they will understand.

Start with talking to them about all the money they spend on smoking. If they even buy one pack a week, that’s one night out at the movies that they miss a week. Tell them that their breath and clothes stink and that guys/girls won’t want to be near that smell, and that their teeth are going yellow. Ask them if the plan to quit within the next five years. If they do, remind them that the longer they smoke that harder it gets. If your teen is a “rebel” or politically conscious, tell them about how the corporations exploit teens into getting them to smoke and how buying cigarettes is evil big business.

Rather than punishing your child for smoking, try rewarding them for NOT smoking. If they do not smoke for X amount of time, you will reward them with a gift. Tell them that all the money they save from NOT buying cigarettes, you will match that amount after X amount of time. Your teenager doesn’t hate you if you understand them. Odds are that if they are interested in the gifts and trust you, they will actually quit smoking to gain your trust back.

Lay down ground rules such as they cannot smoke in the house, porch, driveway, etc. or whenever you are around. Understand your teen is old enough to make these decisions. If you can work WITH them to have them quit smoking before they are addicted, you will be more successful than if you put pressure on them to quit by being an “enemy”.